April 18, 2019

A Christmas (Coverage) Carol …..

What follows is a Christmas poem penned by my good friend, attorney Dan Kohane of Buffalo, NY.  Dan is a terrific insurance coverage attorney with whom I’ve worked over the years and a partner with Hurwitz & Fine P.C. in Buffalo, NY (www.hurwitzfine.com).  With his permission, I am sharing this bit of holiday verse with you to offer a chuckle and to bring holiday cheer as “The Claims Coach” winds down one year and begins to prepare for the new one!

Grinch

Christmas Coverage
or
A Policy for Saint acheter viagra pfizer nasl kullanlr Nicholas

Dan D. Kohane

With apologies to Clement Moore (or less)

 

`Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land,
Few coverage advisors were still in demand.
The policies still showed on both desk and on screen.
My eyes only open with thanks to caffeine.

Most of the adjusters had left for the day;
And coverage lawyers had little to say.
It was surely the moment to turn out the light,
Shut down the computer, put work out of sight.

Then the phone started chirping — startling my poise,
Not typical ring-tones, but an odd sounding noise.
It jingled like sleigh bells, instead of a “ding,”
I knew I must answer, despite everything.

A Christmas Eve caller? What could be the need?
But the sound of the music, would just not recede.
I was really not looking for Christmas Eve banter,
Imagine my shock when the caller was Santa!

“I need some advice, sir” said a somber Saint Nick,
“My Christmas Eve Policy is three inches thick.”
I don’t mean to bother, but I’m wrought with confusion
“I don’t understand this new ‘Gifting Exclusion.'”

“It carves out the nasties, the mean and the haughty.
It favors the good ones and leaves out the naughty.
My coverage appears to have holes like Swiss Cheese,
I’m afraid if I’m sued, I’ll twist in the breeze.”

“A products exclusion? A chimney one too?
“Elf employment exception,” I’m screwed through and through.
Just what IS still covered? I sure am confounded,
With all of these issues, I’m fear that I’m grounded.”

“With a sleigh full of sacks and reindeer all ready,
I’m starting to feel just a tad too unsteady.
My belly has acid, my knees are a’quiver
With millions and millions of toys to deliver.”

“I need you to help me, I fear a disclaimer.
This policy’s scary; I need you to tame her.
We must surely save Christmas, for good girls and boys,
(And Amazon won’t refund “squat” on the toys.)

The holiday challenged, I sure knew my mission
We needed to draft a new ISO version.
Santa needed an ally, a comrade, a fighter,
On the opposite side was a Grinch Underwriter.

I’m sure you’d imagine how hard it would be
To secure for Saint Nick a quick policy,
Without coverage gaps, so that Santa could fly,
To save Christmas Day, we were destined to try.

The person in charge of the coverage for Nick,
Had left the shop early, was feeling quite sick.
Perhaps it was sadness, or guilt or just gumption,
He thought he’d killed Christmas, a well-placed assumption.

In order to soften his hardening heart.
We had to play coy, we had to be smart.
We needed to dazzle that Grinch with our guile,
To show him the risk was sure worth his while.

Worse yet, betwixt and between stood a broker,
A bloodsucker culled from the mind of Bram Stoker.
Through him we must go, around or about,
He’d bring pressure to bear, he’s really got clout!

“It’s Santa,” we’d say, “who’d sue him for cash?”
“Another broker can get a better deal in a flash.
We’ll go to the market if a deal can’t be made;”
The Grinch saw his bonus beginning to fade.

From the cream of the crop, a new team we’d assemble,
To get Santa bound and to weaken his tremble.
We’d send out the e-mail, post Facebook and Twitter
We needed to find the best of the litter.

The other apt choice, as the time slipped on by,
Was to use those fine people, to

make him comply.
By plane and by car, by boat and by train.
We beckoned this family to join in refrain.

And gather they did, first a few then a score,
Lawyers and brokers and claims folks galore. 
More than a choir, it was surely a throng,
Together they sang us beautiful song.

And they reached that man’s spirit, his heart and his soul,
And in no viagra sans ordonnance time at all, they’d accomplished their goal.
“Give me my pen!”, the Grinch yelled to his clerk.
I knew then and there that our ploy it had worked.

“Exclusions begone! Limitations not there!
We’ll provide him his coverage, no need to beware.”
And so it was written, and Santa could jet,
And Christmas was saved, the best Yuletide yet.

On cold winter nights, when you’re hearing his jingle,
When the children are sleeping and in comes Kris Kringle,
Remember that coverage protected his flight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

 

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